There are things a woman pregnant with her second child is simply not supposed to say: No, I’m not excited. No I don’t want to be pregnant. No, I don’t want this baby.
Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother. I’m so crazy about my son, Aidan, that even my mom friends tease me about my unrestrained gushing. But I wasn’t prepared to be pregnant for the second time. In the picture my husband took of me right after I took the test, I sit hunched on the couch, my right hand covering my face as if I’m hiding from the paparazzi, the blue-and-white plastic stick in my left. So when this baby’s heart inexplicably stopped beating in the ninth month of pregnancy, it felt like payback. I was convinced on some level that she’d died because I hadn’t wanted her enough. Read More…In Elle Magazine Onlline