Rindy Huebner, founding member of HOPE, wrote this article for the Fall 2004 New HOPE newsletter. We thought it appropriate to share it again.
Happy Birthday Mark and Happy Anniversary HOPE. Unbelievably, it will be twenty five years this November 10, 2004 that our precious son, Mark Edward Huebner, was born still. A few months later, with the help of Winchester Hospital Social Services, Pam Bureau and I formed the HOPE Group.
A few years before Mark was born, my husband and I tried unsuccessfully to have a baby. Tests for infertility were few, but there seemed to be no reason why I couldn’t conceive. Soon I suffered an ectopic pregnancy and we decided to look into adoption.
Three months later I found I was pregnant again. I had an uneventful and happy pregnancy. The time flew by but during an ultrasound at 40 weeks, our balloon was burst with the words “no fetal heartbeat”. I delivered Mark vaginally but never saw him. I will always remember one nurse coming to my room and telling me that I had a perfectly formed, beautiful son. I never saw my baby so I cherish those words. We insisted on a service and the only memory I have of Mark is the small white casket covered with yellow roses.
My doctor said that all the tests were negative so the conclusion was a “cord accident”. We did decide to stay with the same doctor as he was very supportive. I knew he would treat any subsequent pregnancy at high risk. The next two months were a fog. I barely got out of bed. I was fortunate to have supportive friends and family but I needed to talk to someone who shared my feelings. I attended a HOPE Group meeting on the South Shore and realized the need for a group in our area. So with much help and support our HOPE Group started. Many people ask me why I still stay with the group. It is an act of love for my son; love I could never physically give Mark. I hope that the pain of others can be eased through the support of parents who have survived the loss of a baby.
Mark will always be in our hearts. We remember him as the first son, grandson, nephew, and brother in our family. His sister, our precious Karen Alissa, was born less than a year later. I attended many meetings during that stressful nine months and my HOPE friends supported me all the way. Although we have our beautiful daughter here, not a day goes by that I don’t remember my son in some way. I cherish every friend I have met through HOPE. I wish none of us had to lose a baby to become a member but our bond is strong and forever. The HOPE Group is one positive ripple in my life that came from Mark’s death.
Whether 25 days or 25 years have passed, the pain remains. It becomes less intense but the emptiness in your heart remains. I hope you can find positive ways to fill your “heartache emptiness”. Our group has helped heal my heart. As I celebrate Mark’s birthday and HOPE’s anniversary, I think of all our members…too many over the years. I send you hugs, love, and peace.